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Santa's Wish List.....

To All Good Little Boys' and Girls' Parents:

As the great elf leader, I, Santa Claus, must inform a you, my constituents, of a few issues that are sure to affect this Holiday Season. While we always try to provide exceptional joy, glad tidings, and cheer, we have had to make a few changes in light of the economy, industry, politics, and general disarray of the world as we know it.

1. Delivery - Well, last year as we were leaving North America, the reindeer were thristy, and we stopped in PA at a remote forrested area to let Prancer and the gang rehydrate. Little did we know that this was a Marcellus Shale gas drilling area, and every last one of the reindeer got sick. They are still on workers compensation, so we might be until the 26th or 27th due to the fact that my replacement 'deer' consist of 2 goats, 1-dik-dik, 3-big horn sheep, 2-water buffalo, and a kangaroo holding a laser-pointer. Getting skilled replacement labor has become very difficult.

2. Letters to Santa - since the north pole is a rural area, our local post office has been shut down. Please address all mail to Gnome, Alaska c/o Santa Claus.

3. Please, discourage your children from asking for 'pimp' hats. Herman Cain has ran everyone out of inventory and they are on backorder.

4. If you are s US Senator or Congressman, our Good-Bad Staff will most likely never conclude if you were good or bad due to your recent shenanigans, so you might want to stop by Wal-Mart and pick up something for yourself.

5. All Iranian, Egyptian, and Libyan wish-makers, please understand that Santa Claus, Inc. is a NON-PROFIT organization and kidnapping one our staff will result in no ransom at all. Also, if you guys keep trying to shoot down the sleigh, I'm gonna give all of your sons Malibu Barbies without a veil. I might a also metion screaming and errant gunfire will scare the water-buffalo and since we normally fly at about 1000 feet in altitude, water buffalo dung will do a lot of damage if it strkes a structure or someone.

6. Try to limit the 'Tickle-Me-Elmos' and other talking toys. I am so stressed out over this other stuff, listening to 1000's of these toys on Christmas Eve will surely drive me over the edge and I'll give all of your kids' stuff to the Occupy Wall Street guys. They don't know what they want, and obviously should be happy with anything.

7. Fruit Cakes are in short supply. It seems the Perry campaign made a deal with Bacardi Rum, and when we asked Rick about the deal, and he started waving his hands around and acting real goofy. Who really likes fruit cakes anyway?

8. Finally, in lieu of milk and cookies, please set out a cup of egg-nog flavored Activia yogurt. It seems to make Jamie Lee Curtis very happy, and I need to thin down a little before me and Mrs. Claus go on vacation.

Peace to All.

S. Claus

 

 

 

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3 years ago
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